The Wonderful World of Refridgerators
First off, thanks to everyone who offered up some topic suggestions. I can assume that since there were about half-a-dozen comments regarding my plea, everybody who has EVER read this blog replied! Ya'll are great, and I promise to try to turn each and every idea into a full fledged post. (Note: that was my feeble attempt to create a cliff-hanger, my hopes are that you'll keep checking back AT LEAST until I've covered your topic. Kind of the electronical version of a semi-captive audience).
But on to more important topics - REFRIDGERATORS!
As you've undoubtedly guessed, I am a male. Certain traits come with the status of manhood, and none of them are really anything you'd use as a selling point in a personal ad. Granted we've come a long way since the advent of not painting pictures of woolly mammoths on cave walls - mostly at the request of our much more sophisticated opposite gender - but a few 'habits' are just too hard-wired into our brains to ever extinguish, such as: perpetual channel surfing, the need to pat our stomachs when we're full, and the mastery of "The chronicles of Proper Refridgerator Usage" volumes 1-34.
Refridgerators come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, from the typical two-door appliance that occupies most of our kitchens to the summer wadding pool filled with ice cubes and cheap beer. Regardless of appearance, there are some fundamental rules and regulations that apply to each and every one of them, and with the hope of not sounding too sexist I feel comfortable saying that women typically don't understand (or even know of!) proper fridge-ettiquete. That's not saying that all men understand said procedures - because most don't - it's just that the ratio of refridgerator-educated men outnumber women by an unfathomable margin.
In fact, I've heard many a story of happy marriages completely torn apart simply because of this very phenomena. So, as a gesture of kindness to both men and women and to once again prove to the world that I want us all to just get along, I'm here to provide a little "Refridgerator 101." You may want to take notes (couples/families/roomates especially).
Rule #1: Expiration dates are simply the food manufacturer's best guess of when food will go rotten, and they typically aren't very good guessers. When a carton of milk says: "Drink before October 14," it's really saying: "Merry Christmas."
Rule #2: Never use "The Crisper" (the little drawer in the bottom of the fridge). Despite its claims of keeping vegitables fresh and crisp, it inevitably becomes the dying room of the entire kitchen. It's where food goes to decompose and be forgotten. I say we give it a more appropriate name, like: "The Rotter."
Rule #3: Every refridgerator in the contenential United States (I'll exclude Hawaii and Alaska on account of good behavior) should be properly stocked with cheese. Furthermore, this cheese should be freely shared with houseguests and/or blonde blog writers who go by "Lee." There are NO exceptions to this rule.
Rule #4: Pizza leftovers are to be stored in the refridgerator in the original pizza box, even if there is only piece left from an extra large box. It's just the way it is.
Rule #5 Recycling is key. Remeber that carton of milk from rule #1? Well, by the time Easter rolls around you'll have enough tapioka pudding to serve the entire family!
Rule #6: Refridgerators make great storage facilities. I can't count the number of times that I'll eventually find my lost car keys on the top shelf next to the gallon jug of 2% tapioca. If you've looked everywhere for a lost item, look in the refridgerator, even if you don't find what you're looking for you'll at least be able to grab a quick sandwich while you continue your search! Now that's what I call a win/win situation!
That's all the time we have for "Refridgerator University" today. Hopefully you learned a little something about the true nature of cold storage. Be sure to check back in later for the follow up discussions about toaster ovens, coffee makers, and laser printers.
Keep rocking and rolling
