The Atkins Diet.

I know what you're already thinking, "Ranting about the Atkins Diet has been done to death." Sure. It has. But I'm gonna do it anyway!

When you think about it, Dr. Atkins had a pretty good theory for weight loss dieting. All food (even Calamari) is broken down into three types of substances: fats, proteins, and carbohydrates. Those are the building blocks of everything that enters our mouths regardless of how it looks, feels, or tastes. So by completely eliminating one of the three, you'll make a huge dent in the quest for weightlessness.

But that's really besides the point.

"Atkins friendly" food items are everywhere. I can't even go to the auto parts store without being bombarded by a display for "Carbo-Carb: the only low carb carburetor cleaner." Honestly, I haven't seen the food industry plunge into a fad like this since the introduction of deep fryers.

BUT, for every advertisement of low-carb meals that I see, there are 20 people who find nothing better to do than rant about the stupidity of both the diet and those that are on it (ironically, most of these folks could stand to lose a good 50 pounds each). In fact, I have yet to meet a single person who proudly stands up and proclaims, "YES, I am on my way to a low carb nirvana." It's almost as if being on this diet is socially similar to a harboring a raging STD, something nobody in their right mind would ever admit.

So here I am. On one hand I see millions of dollars worth of Atkins merchandise and services, but on the other an entire population that publicly despises it - which I assume means they don't partake. I'm beginning to become a bit of an "Atkins Agnostic." People talk about it, but I have yet to see any evidence. I see it on the billboards, but haven't witnessed anything with my own eyes. I'm not saying that it doesn't exist - just that I'm a tad bit skeptical.

Well, that's enough of that - it's time to re-pave my drive way and Home Depot is running a special on low-carb concrete.

Rock on ~

My "Summer" job starts next Monday morning - I'll be running a program that teaches little kids how to swim. Even though the kids don't show up until Monday, I've been sweating away (literally, my office has neither windows OR air conditioning) getting ready for it to start. Naturally I won't see a dime for all of this prepatory work.

But here's what bugs me the most: the department scheduled a meeting for Sunday, June 13 at 6:30pm. For those of you that know me, that is my birthday. It's bad enough that my Bday festivities will be limited by fact of a 7:00 start the next morning; but this means that I won't even be able to play during the afternoon. Major Suck on that.

Because my birthday is on a Sunday AND there is a meeting that night, I've come up with a list of possible activities that I could partake in to enjoy the anniversary of my birth:

1) Spend the afternoon watching the LIFETIME channel, eating Hagendas ice cream, and complaining about men.
2) Buy copies of Maxim and Cosmo, cut out the pictures of the models and glue them to popsicle sticks and stage my own puppet show for charity.
3) Shave off my eyebrows, then glue them onto my forehead about an inch and a half higher than they originally were. This way I could act surprised about everything!
4) Call everyone on my cellular phone's address book and ask if their refridgerator is running.
5) Build a painstakingly accurate model of downtown Tokyo, then stomp on it while yelling, "Godzilla is approaching."

If you have any other ideas, please feel free to contribute.



Keep rocking and rolling.